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Sometimes I face reality and remember that you’re not here or there or anywhere and I can’t help but bawl my eyes out. Remembering how much you cared about everyone and everything and how much love you gave to all of us. All of the work you put into building our family. And all of the memories that won’t ever get to be made. I hate that you’re gone. I hate that I can’t ignore your calls and hear your stupid voicemails anymore. I hate that when I visit home I won’t be asked a thousand questions about why I have to go out every night. I hate that I won’t have you to watch out for me or worry about me anymore. Why the fuck did you have to die, dad? Why couldn’t it have been someone else’s dad who didn’t mean the world to his family or stand as the foundation of everything they were. Why couldn’t it have been when you were 90 years old and lived to enjoy your retirement. Lived to be a grandpa. Lived to see gay people get married and that the world doesn’t end. And what the fuck, God? Why do you stand to be this amazing creator and grateful being but you somehow manage to take the one person who meant anything to my mother away from her and ruin the rest of her world? How can one so “great” of a god to do that to someone so innocent and fragile as my mother. You fucking suck, God. And I don’t give a fuck if you’re even real because my dad isn’t anymore and he was the only Father I needed in my life ever. You fuck. Thinking about how broken my mom is now breaks my heart and none of this is fair or makes any sense at all. She’s the most kind hearted happy woman I’ve ever known or strive to be like and now she can’t even find a reason to smile. So fuck you god. And fuck all of you who still have a dad that you don’t talk to or care about or appreciate. Everything sucks and there’s no sorry or sayings or magic words I can do to change that.

I want to be held and told that everything is going to be fine.

Anonymous: White items of clothing are you craving most these days?

See   ….lol

Anonymous: why don't you do lingerie, implied, or naked pics anymore?

There are multiple reasons behind this. The main ones are as follows:

I have no time or desire.

I see no benefit to having my nudes on the internet. Or getting them taken etc. I’m pretty much over the whole idea of “wanting to be a model” thing.

I now see “wanna be” models who post those types of pics and laugh/feel bad for them as they look like attention hungry hoes, and I do not want to be one of them.

I am about to be a college graduate in the work force and fashion industry and having cassie tits all over the internet does not look good on background checks.

I have a boyfriend who think’s I’m totally bangin’ and I don’t want or need attention from random guys on the internet to feel hot.

If I had more time and tattoos I’d probably get into that alt girl modeling scene though. Those chicks are babes. But the main thing is I really don’t have the time. Plus my real desire is to become a fashion blogger so when I do take the time to do photoshoots it’s all about the clothes! 

Do you even like my smile?